Roberto di Marco’s book “Was man mitnimmt, wenn man nicht wiederkommt” is quite unique. The book has been translated to English as well and the official title reads as “What do you pack? If you are never coming back – 15 true stories of those who left their past behind”. The original was written in Italian, as the author was a Palermo born psychologist (1937-2013).
There is no interpretation in the book, the introduction is barely 2 pages, there is no summary or reflection made by Roberto di Marco. He lets the stories have an effect on the readers without helping them. I first read the book years ago and it left a strange uncomfortable feeling that I could not fathom.
Doing the interpretation that psychologist Roberto di Marco does not offer, I must admit that the first thing almost all of the 15 people have in common is that I find them unpleasant. The expectation was a different one. People who leave their security net and make a fresh start somewhere else are usually looked at with respect in our culture. Even if for no better reason than them being more courageous than us and them living our dreams. Who has not wished at a time to start fresh somewhere else?
The people in the book, mostly men, but also 2 women, left their homelands alone and for various reasons. Escaping a bad marriage, leaving unwelcome responsibilities, being threatened by dangerous people, and feeling bored and unfulfilled at home are some of them.
Most of them seem not to have build something up in the distance to be proud of. Do they have to? Probably not, but in my head, there is the idea of immigrants to a country building something up for themselves and their families. That was the story of the immigrants to the USA over the last century. Immigrants to a country are not supposed to idle around aimlessly.
For the people in the book, not the new country and their chances and perspectives stand in the focus, but leaving the old behind. Many of them had no idea what to do once arrived, and consequently mainly concentrated on finding new girlfriends etc. As almost all went to poorer countries, it was easier impressing the locals there than at home, where most of them had not lived an upper class live.
There are two exceptions in the book, a German guy who went to Thailand to look for a friend who had married and then died there, and an English guy who left London with quite some money and settled in Ethiopia.
Both also show more reflection than the other people who tell their stories in Roberto di Marco’s book.
The German guy (no name mentioned) had been first asked by the sister of his late friend to check out the friend’s wife in Thailand, who had inherited everything from him. He set out to do so and came to the likely result that indeed the wife was not completely innocent in the death of his friend. She used her inherited money freely, although having money in Thailand as a woman always meant to feed the whole wider family. There was nothing to be done about the inheritance, the body had been burned and the paperwork was in order. He concluded that although that was hard, his friend probably had had the best 2 years of his life before he died and that was worth something. He decided after a while to move to Thailand himself and opened a restaurant with other Germans for Germans there. If he was as unwise as his friend to marry, he does not tell.
The English guy (no name mentioned) lived a well-to-do life in London, not only owning a business but also inheriting money from his family. He did what most of us hope for: he quit work. Having done so, he did not know what to do with the rest of his life. Boredom overtook him. He went to a psychologist who told him to move to a third world country, to encounter a different way of life. For some reasons he chose Ethiopia. Arriving there, he had naturally not only a complete cultural shock, but also health problems and the nagging sensation that everybody wanted his money. The psychologist, as described by him, must have been a very wise man. He told him to stand it through and to adopt and overcome his fears. Of course, people wanted some of his money, he – the psychologist – as well. He told him to give a little. With time the Englishman started to support local aid and medical organizations. He stayed in Ethiopia and seemed far more content than in the UK, bringing his money to a limited use, but at least a use, for his fellow humans.
The 2 men above are the ones who not concentrated on finding new girlfriends as soon as possible and apart from that, to do as little as possible and avoid all responsibility. And they have not left without telling anybody a word, but acted more in the open.
Still, there is no law to behave as social conventions in a Western country recommend, and most of the men and women in the book behaved according to what was expected from them in their new home countries. Maybe my own cultural limitations speak from my judgements when I read those stories.
Roberto di Marco, the psychologist, did not judge. He left the stories to have an effect on the readers and reflect on what they would have done or how they would have acted if they had felt the need or the chance to run away. He chose the stories carefully, for sure he could have told many more that would have fitted our cultural expectations better.
The book shows that there is a certain character needed to leave without saying a word to the people closest to you. An indifference that stays with you wherever you go. The character of a person does rarely change. Give a human being power, money, fear, poverty, or let him or her hate or love – you see different facets of the same behavioural patterns.
Someone who betrayed one person, will probably do so again with a second.
Someone who exaggerated in love, probably does to in hate as well.
Someone who did not reflect his or her decisions in good times, might do so sometimes in bad. But those who do are few.
People who tended to pity themselves when they belonged to a less affluent class in one country, forget about it when they become part of a higher class somewhere else.
All a bit disconcerting, but really good food for thought.
All rights to the cook belong to:
Di Marco, Roberto: Was man mitnimmt, wenn man nicht wiederkommt, 15 wahre Geschichten von Personen, die alles zurückliessen und in der Ferne ein neues Leben begannen, 2011, published by Zombon Verlag, Frankfurt am Main, original version: Cosa ti pori dietro se sai di non tornare piu?, 15 racconti veri di chi ha deciso di farsi una nuova vita in un paese lontano, 2007, translated by Dr. Antje Foresta, ISBN: 978 3 88975 184 3
I took the English title quoted above from a picture of the book on Everand.